uncertain days

After attending death ceremony recently,mind and body has absorbed so much of deaccelerating energy which makes me psychologically weak  inturn reflects in my health.I can feel now how much body and mind is interconnected. Though I try to neglect this body weakness somehow it surpasses me.Whatmore we can expect out of uncertain ,unreal life.I have studied me very well where I can be strong and where I can't hold on  hence the reason I stopped facing few challenging situations of life.I avoid those just to escape out of my inability and I never felt the need to justify my action as myself being helpless with situations.When I tried to face one such situation this time ,now I am paying for it.Let me pray for the sound health (physically and mentally) for affected family members and for myself.waiting to get over with this phase.

coffin box

Death is something uncheatable,in fact watching death very closely has changed greater perspectives of my life.There is a sudden demise of my office colleague today,now his cabin is  filled with air.I made my mind with few philosophicals and pulled all the courage to attend his cremation today.After solid four years I wept so deeply in front of crowd today,sometimes emotions are so spontaneous. I saw those kids face with those terrible emptiness in eyes,the same emoticon which I had. I never had those courage to see coffinbox with body's face,somehow I managed to do today.Memories have always been a dangerous drug to me.Being a parentless kid is one such horrible punishment world can give.        Let this world shows a way for his wife and kids  to be strong as It guided me for this sailor.

Recreations

I was thinking about yesterday's beautiful meet with one of my good friend "Rohu" who lives in states. Its been  one solid year I have met her sitting just next to me beating ,shouting and doing crazy stuff with no sense of people.As I am a person trying to get satisfied with little options, virtually I get connected through Skype and does some monstrous laughter with loud noise and local jokes.
  I felt about many humanly limitations we have and operating within it wearing a decorative mask.She came all the way to my office for those ten minutes to spend,its a humid feel I can say.I acknowledge these memoirs as the probability of one more day is 0.5. For those ten minutes my office etiquettes flew in the air.Hopefully I would meet her again as she presented me time(watch) in my hand.Thanks lord for recreating few diminished moments back.

joyful sanyasi

Newyear 2015 has given me forced leaves with bed rest.As both feet are severely injured ,so much of external support to pursue my daily routine.Sincerely wanted to thank  souls who give their shoulders and my close friend Subha who adjust my chappal and being an extended arm and spending how much ever time she gets in hand.Bedreturn days teaches me a lot.
        As I say always,I hate manmade relationship out of wedding where deeds ought to come out of compassion becomes a namesake duty.I am so much satisfied with the phase where I am in as a joyful sanyasi.

Reflections

In the verge of making peace with many more microthings of my small simple life.when we fall sick we start knowing how important our willpower should be.I should thank few acquaintances who came all the way to be an extended support today.when one corner of the world can bomb you with words that can put you down ,there are beautiful souls on the way making me healthier by words and deeds.
   Admiring this world with a new perspective 

its my 2014

2014 was in the way how I want it to be.I conquered all what I conceived in mind.There was nothing much to blame anyone as I had control over each day.
Here are Few memoirs which got imprinted in me when I sit for a while
So much moved by "To kill a mockingbird " book and the decent character Atticus .
"Re kabira" song and "wake me up when September ends" is in my top music list and I am so much connected with  intense lyrics in Urdu.
Received meaningful advise at needed occasion and met handful number of humanitarians and their deeds makes me to be still nicer with people(Thanks Lalitha,kannan,Raju bhai)
Heart filling happiness for closing with my master's exams and the crew I met
Watched a solo movie of Christian Bale in 3D.
Less I did with fitness,but more to do in 2015.
Nailed high altitude trek of 12,500 feet in Himalayas.
Owned 9 years old Veena and spending time with those strings.
Less I gave for society,made a baby step as registered organ donor but more to give in 15.
Adorable idol of the year is my Buddha bhoi.
Work and personal life had a nice balance.There were hard times but found all the means to tackle with strength.
Made peace with almost all,nice to see better free child in me.

Run in green and dark

Run,Run,Run!
My lungs are happy with so much of oxygen to fill ,so much greens and black for eyes to see day and night.I love challenges and bet,now I run rigorously as because of a bet with my cool friend and the run checks my stamina day in and out.Now more than a challenge I started to Run for people who can't as because of universal challenges.
I find one liner whenever things are too much to handle brimming up above the shoulders,just run and go to sleep.planning to strike a 5k marathon before 2014 fades.

Nandi walk

Trekking in a hilltop is my favorite task on holidays.Nandi hill located in the outskirts of Bangalore is one such place to feel droplets out of foggy mist and to fill lung with pure oxygen.we trekked for 5 kilometers with trekking bags to measure our stamina.Targeting mountains makes a person to to see something up above with pride.Mountains teaches afterall new rythm for my legs.

it's gratitude time

When I was reading my favourite writer's blog I read a post on gratitude,which made me to rethink.showing gratitude whenever I feel and setting sometime in a day to say my gratitude to invisible faith is something Iam yet to start.I remember those prayers of gratitude during my kindergarden lunch break.So fresh and pleasant ,thanked God for those mangoes in my tiffin box and for the seat which I got next to my friend.Microthings makes me feel energized whatever big fat cheques I receive.
Thanks lord for whatever I have in my hand and whatever I lost.I learnt the art of accepting with brimming happiness.
Somewhere a beautiful island will save my letters of gratitude sent in air.

what more

When wilder things happen in life , the impact is huge and from that point view changes,stronger notions become flexible,acceptance comes in.I see a soul in me which feels calmness after four years .It wears the shoe everyday  with the thought"what more bad can happen".Though many faces I see for a day,the zone of comfort comes in when I spend time with me in long walks,in a good run,in an undisturbed sleep and a cup of tea in solitude.
I get acquainted with motley colored people with diversified stories and at the same time I find a beautiful introvert within me who is much happy with silence,fresh air and water.sometimes I struggle a lot  to feed other's ego.This is the greyarea I should work upon being in a society.

Diwali 14

For the past four Diwali I have never been to home for the purpose of celebration.I feel so profound when I celebrate peacefully at Bangalore.Each year celebration is so different from one another.Meeting well acquainted people of the year,diyas and rangoli work in a quite unaccustomed place.This Diwali 2014 is with Lalitha &family.Had enough of homemade sweets,painted their entrance with turmeric-kumkum rangoli and diyas along with Veena touch.
As usual I met one of my favorite person "chirax" exchanged happily diwali gifts and satisfied Diwali lunch. There is a lot to speak about on Diwali from characters we loved in books to advance topics on parenting.
Celebrations always makes me to think past for a small introspection and I feel I have tried to be true to the family,friends and acquaintances with whatever I had.

handful of ashes

Slightly when I turn back and see,surprised with who stands back.Bagful of memories,ashes,dangling pointers, yesterday's echoes and different versions of Bye at different stops. Its a hallucination period between two endpoints.Foolishly romantic with life inspite of knowing its a mere humbug

Mirrored flaws

I feel really bad whenever I break invisible things,though I am so conscious in taking care of  it.This is my first post pointing my flaws.want to really reduce my temper with close folks,don't know why might be I placed few folks just next to me.Sometimes my words do injustice .Bit ashamed when I be an armchair advisor few times.

feeling younger with too little friend

I feel younger whenever I befriend a small kid .This time Kushi 3 years old cutie, who shakes hand calling me plain Sathya without any tags to it.Feeling young again when she dictates me ,"Sathya, math Karo".My friend never wanted to call without a name to street doggies.Chandu,Ramu are her favorite doggies of street.Let it be sai Baba in temple,chandu or Ramu at streets,or her friend sathya she uses same language "love you chandu,take care chandu ,babye".without a bias,her love remains so constant with any soul.So much to learn from my small little friend who happily says "Bybye sathya with punch kiss".

stream of consciousness

Its eight in the evening with breeze brushing up my memoirs at my terrace.I like sometime for me everyday to rewind,unwind and to smile for myself.For some reason I like living in the past and that's one reason whenever I get sometime start opening its virtual doors.A pattern in me which that wind can feel and the vast sky understands when it peeps into my eyes .similar pattern we share ,doing things we ought to do here as a wind ,sky and as a homosapien.In this poetic timeframe,I like this happiness cartoon which makes me to hold all my memoirs standstill for a minute.

Dhrona I see

In between rain from my jumbo office bus,felt like pouring out my fleeting thoughts before it dries up.Its about the guru-shishya ,mentor-mentee relationship for which I give all due respect in the world.Now I am taking pride of choices which comes by itself to me.I got a dhronacharya,who substantiates with logics to all small things without giving emotionally biased solution.He gave me all the chances to experiment mistakes,accepts my creativity without showing me ocean of solutions he have.With full zeal,in the mission of cloning his wisdom.All the way I choose ,I have a dhrona there.Now its my bigboss ,whose experience is simply my age.

solid reason

I find some sense,some reason  finally to write about my work for which I am paid for.I find a rationale in it,as I am bit convinced with what I do now makes an impact somewhere .Not less not more, 2 beautiful takeaways which can stir my thoughts told by one of my workmate
.Always recheck are we working under a smart folk or just a senior folk
.Every 6 months am I questioning where am I?

I found those healthy reasons to work with a right mentor .Job has made me to be so far from my blood relations too,which is taken in a lighter note.Had a haunting dream of forgetting how my dad face resembles.A perfect nomad in different cities,which I really like to and few folks connecting me with their care wherever I move on.After all getting whatever I want at right time is not a joke

going romantic

As like briyani for hungry man,its my job I am loving with my flesh and blood.You make me to pull out my bed sheet in the morning, setting an agenda for each day to pass by.sensed my busy life and Iam happily romantic with my work.Incredible to see a shift and structure in my professional shades of life. Running from  7 to 7 along with shuttle play till 10.30 in the night makes me to hit the bed as a dead body. Travel,data, inference,setting a discipline et all drives me crazy.Passionate  hobbies and lovable job adds every value to my personal life.Remembering Jonathan's lines,people are defined by what we do and not by what we are underneath....

unexplained

I felt the power of forgetting and forgiving things just a day back.very strange feel as like dove's flight.I thought of winding few grief by accepting Aplologies made by second person before couple of years,just a day back.when I was pondering on the past ,I was thinking so much about intensity of my wrath and the way how it dried up .Good to hear when people's dream come true, as we were sitting next to them while drawing the plan and now being casual strangers 

words fail

I got some luxury to think about words,words and its roots.How emotions,wrath and fun are closely binded with words pulling each string of nerve.We human mortally offended by words and rejoice out of words,whereas animals not.The art of carving images on rock to languages on books is a beautiful transformation.What language can do for a person,but many .In the venture of  hating words and languages as much as I love,for few loop holes where language fails